


uneven odds

by ollihye



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking to Cope, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Twoshot, don't come for me, it's valentines day so I have come to break your hearts, side 2jin, side chuuves, they're both not coping well, you'll have to wait for the happy ending tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29428263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollihye/pseuds/ollihye
Summary: They fought. They broke up. They regret it.orJinsol has to pick up her not-so-sober ex-girlfriend from a bar in the middle of the night.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 13
Kudos: 133





	uneven odds

Jungeun was drunk.

Okay, to be fair, she was wasted.

The brunette was sitting in her usual booth at “The Moebius Strip”, a popular bar among college students like her, with her eyes fixed on the fairy lights hanging from the ceiling.

She needed something to fix on, because everything else was spinning. 

It was a dark place, reeking of a mix of alcohol, sweat and perfume. Jungeun always imagined the owners frantically spraying around air freshener to cover up the musty smell, but to no avail.

For a few moments, she breathed deeply to get a hold of herself, to stop everything in her vicinity from moving so damn much.

_That last shot really did it for you, huh?_

Slowly, her gaze wandered from the lights to the bar, where the last customers, except for her, were in the middle of paying for their drinks. Otherwise, every table and booth was cleared of any people, making her yet again the last to leave.

She didn’t even know why she went alone in the first place. She probably looked like a total idiot right now.

Usually, one or two friends would always join in the second she asked. Exam season was over, and people were in the mood to drink and party (but mostly to drink). Jungeun knew how to take advantage of that.

But this wasn’t a one time thing anymore.

Jungeun had become a regular at the bar, to the point where she knew the bartenders by name, and they knew her by her drink order.

(It was embarrassing and she was very well aware of that).

Defeated, she let her head sink into her hands, staring down on the sticky wood surface of her table, the empty glass of beer perfectly symbolizing her emotional state at the moment.

If Jiwoo saw her like that, she’d probably throw a fit. Just like she did every weekend since the breakup.

_“Jungie, you need to take care of yourself”_

_“Seriously, you can’t just keep drinking like that, it’s gonna hurt your body”_

_“Next time you feel down, just give me a call, alright? Alcohol won’t solve your problems, okay?”_

But Jungeun was way too deep in to care anymore.

Sure, Jiwoo was her best friend since high school, and she should have listened to her.

But it wasn’t like she was gonna find out, anyway.

Jiwoo herself was fairly busy with college, not to mention juggling extracurricular activities and her relationship with Sooyoung at the same time.

Jungeun didn’t want to be an additional burden, especially since it wasn’t her responsibility to help her. She was supposed to enjoy life and be happy, not spend everyday worrying about her living wreck of a best friend.

A deep sigh was just about to escape her, when the shadow of a person came up next to her table.

“Excuse me, Miss?”

Jungeun startled at the sudden, deep voice right beside her, lifting her head a bit too fast for her current state, only to come face to face with the bartender she remembered as Heejin.

She was a beautiful girl, only a year or two younger than Jungeun herself, with long black hair and flawless skin. 

The brunette had talked to her often since she started coming here. Whether it was their basically non-existent age gap or Heejin’s talent in making smalltalk that brought them together, she didn’t know. 

Maybe it was just the fact that Jungeun needed something, or someone, to distract her. And Heejin was great at doing that with her amusing work stories.

(But, unfortunately, she was always picked up by her girlfriend after her shift at the bar, which did not exactly help Jungeun’s current state)

Jungeun’s stomach turned. She knew what was coming.

Palm pressed to her buzzing forehead, she mumbled curses at herself, not at all ready to leave just yet.

The black haired worked late on Fridays, and was the last one to stay and close up.

She seemed to notice the dread in Jungeun’s eyes, because her expression turned from professional to sympathetic real quick.

The younger girl didn’t know her story -- none of the bartenders did -- but it was common knowledge that they should keep an eye on her. She was known as the “brunette girl who’s definitely going through some stuff” behind closed doors, after all.

The brunette girl always getting wasted every time she comes in.

She took a deep breath before talking.

“We’re closing… I’m sorry, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

Jungeun nodded in understanding, but didn’t move a muscle. It hit her right then and there, like a bruising slap to the face.

She had no clue how to get home.

Usually, she always had one of her friends, or her sister, pick her up. But this time was different.

Her phone died hours ago, lying forgotten in her bag at her feet. Jiwoo was visiting her parents over the weekend and Haseul told her about a scheduled work trip over text that morning.

The bartender seemed to notice her squirming, her eyebrows raised in worry. The atmosphere was getting immensely awkward by the second.

“Do you have someone I can call to pick you up?”

Heejin could practically see the older’s mind start to spin, eyes shifting everywhere.

Panic bubbled up from Jungeun’s stomach to her throat, brows furrowing together. She was thinking hard, no matter how difficult it was in her current state to grasp something, anything to help her get out of this situation.

But her brain was way too intoxicated to get a hold of any coherent thought.

The only people she could think of maybe being able to call were a few members of her swim team. But she had none of their phone numbers memorized, and hers was still dead.

The only number she knew by heart was--

_No._

_She would not do that._

_She couldn’t._

“I can still call you a cab, if you want?”, Heejin tried, though hesitant.

She didn’t get any reaction.

The younger woman bit her lip, not really sure what to do herself. Hyunjin would be here any second, and she still had to turn on the dishwasher and lock the break room.

“Look, let’s just cash you out first, okay?”

Jungeun only nodded.

Her fingers were shaking as she reached under the table to grab her bag, trying to ignore Heejin’s gaze following her every movement.

It wasn’t like she didn’t trust her, not at all. There was genuine concern radiating from her eyes.

With an unsure motion, still deep into thought, the brunette fished out her wallet, and promptly dropped it onto the tabletop.

After a few moments of awkward fumbling, she was able to pay (and tip Heejin, like she always did).

However, her eyes remained fixed onto the remaining contents for a few more seconds, before closing it again.

There were only a few crumbled notes and pennies left inside.

She was never going to get home with this. Her apartment was basically on the other side of the city.

Heejin noticed, the troubled look on the older girl’s face was a dead giveaway of what her current situation looked like. Her heart hurt for her.

And just as the bartender opened her mouth to say something again, the front door of the bar opened.

In came a tall girl, black hair reaching down her back. She looked like she had just left the gym, wearing basketball shorts and a baggy hoodie.

Heejin’s eyes lit up a little at seeing her girlfriend. She lifted her hand for a short wave, and Hyunjin smirked in response, making her way over.

“Hey.”, she greeted her with a soft peck to the cheek.

“Hey, were you at the gym?”

“Nah, Hyejoo and I met up to shoot some hoops. Captain things, you know”, the black haired winked, and shook the heavy keyring attached to her gym bag.

“Oh, okay”, Heejin said, turning towards the booth again; “sorry to keep you waiting. I’m still a little--”

Right at this moment, Hyunjin’s eyes landed on the unfamiliar woman sitting at the table, face hidden behind a curtain of thick, brown hair as she fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. She looked seconds away from collapsing into a heap of limps.

“...busy”

Her brows shot up in confusion, gaze jumping back and forth between her girlfriend and the stranger.

Heejin only motioned to the counter across the room with her head, and Hyunjin nodded.

The tall girl made her way over to the barstools and waited silently, watching while Heejin exchanged a few words with the customer before following her. Their words were hushed and it looked as if the girl slumped into herself only more.

Hyunjin waited for a somber sigh to escape her girlfriend before speaking up.

“What’s wrong? Is she not able to pay?”

It would certainly not be the first time something like that happened.

“She already did.”

“But?”

“She doesn’t know how to get home”

Hyunjin looked at her skeptically.

“Why doesn’t she walk?”

Heejin clicked her tongue at her, “Hyunjin, it’s 2am. She’s absolutely wasted, and she lives across town”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Yeah. She’s a regular.”

The taller of the two hummed and looked back towards the table, only to be greeted with the sight of the girl with her head in her hands.

Heejin followed her gaze, and her shoulders dropped slightly.

For a few seconds, she hesitated with her next words.

“Do you think we can give her a ride?”

Hyunjin turned around swiftly, bewilderment etched on her face. She needed a few seconds to respond.

“Are you serious?”

“Look, she doesn’t have enough money on her to take a cab and I’ve seen her phone die an hour ago”

“Heejin, we can’t just take one of your drunk customer’s home”, she argued, avoiding eye contact. Instead, she was counting the bottles of booze lined up on the shelf above the bar.

Her girlfriend only lifted her hand and slowly put it on her upper arm, rubbing up and down in an attempt to comfort her.

“It’s only this one time. I promise, Hyun.”, her voice was soft and soothing, and Hyunjin hated herself for giving in so easily everytime Heejin asked for something. She sighed.

“Are you sure there’s no other--”, the black haired was interrupted by an unfamiliar voice speaking up behind her.

“Excuse me, um…”

The couple turned around to find Jungeun standing behind them, shaking from embarrassment.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened at the realization that the girl had probably listened to their whole conversation, but Heejin’s hand on her arm stopped her from doing anything.

Her tone was warm and understanding as she answered: “Yes?”

“Would you be able to call this number for me? I’m so sorry to keep you here”, the brunette mumbled, holding out a tiny piece of paper with some shaky numbers scribbled onto it, which Heejin promptly grabbed.

Only then did she look up completely, and Hyunjin felt her breath stutter at the eerie familiarness the girl radiated. As if she had seen her somewhere else before.

She just did not know when. Or where.

“Of course. It’s no problem, just sit down and wait while we get everything ready, okay?”

The stranger nodded, and slowly turned to walk -- or rather, stumble -- back to her seat. It seemed like she was getting more drunk by the second, the alcohol only slowly finding its way into her system.

When Heejin turned back around, she found Hyunjin staring after the girl with a funny look on her face, but decided to ignore it. 

Instead, she put the piece of paper down on the wooden surface of the counter and made her way behind it to grab the phone mounted on the wall.

It was then that Hyunjin spoke up again.

“I know her from somewhere”

Heejin scoffed.

“Stop playing around, Hyun”

“I’m serious! I’ve definitely seen her before”

The black haired sighed, and looked at her, phone already in hand. “So, do you know where she lives? Who her friends are?”

“...No?”

“Good, cause this is the only thing we’ve got right now”, the bartender tapped on the piece of paper lying in front of her on the countertop.

Hyunjin just nodded, and moved to sit down on one of the barstools, while her girlfriend dialed the number and put the phone to her ear.

“Can you go and check the back while I’m at it?”, Heejin asked while waiting for the other person to pick up. She was holding out her work keys with the other hand for Hyunjin, who had just sat down, to take. Still, she wordlessly stood up again and took them from her.

After seemingly countless seconds of waiting, finally, a sleepy voice greeted her. Hyunjin had already disappeared into the break room by then.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Jeon Heejin. I’m a bartender working at The Moebius Strip. Who exactly am I talking to?”

There was a short pause, and after some confused mumbling, the woman spoke up again.

“Name’s Jinsol. Why?”

“Hi, Jinsol. I apologize for disturbing you at this hour, but I was given your number to call by a customer in need of assistance”

She heard the rustling of covers being removed. The bartender could picture the confused look on the stranger’s face perfectly. It wasn’t the first time she had to call someone to pick up a customer, after all.

“Who exactly are we talking about?”

Just like Heejin thought, it seemed like she was much more awake by now. Without turning around, she started describing the girl. She didn’t need to look, she’d been here too often for Heejin to not know what she looked like.

“Her name’s Jungeun. College student, brown hair, around average height, maybe a little shorter? Do you know her?”

The other end of the line was silent. Seconds passed and all Heejin heard was the white noise of the static. Either this Jinsol really did not know her, or she knew her all too well.

“Hello?”

The stranger took a deep breath, one too shaky for Heejin to not suspect something.

“Yes. What’s with her?”

She relaxed again. A wrong number would have been the worst possible thing right now.

“I’m afraid she’s not exactly in any condition to get home. She told me that her phone died and she doesn’t have any money to get a cab. So, she gave me your number. Would you mind picking her up?”

Another pause. Heejin started to think that Jungeun and this girl did not seem to be the bestest of friends, at least at the moment.

“Tell her I’ll be there in 15 minutes”

A small sigh of relief escaped the bartender at the words, though this Jinsol’s tone seemed rather cold. She really wasn’t in any condition to bring someone she only knew briefly home when all she wanted to do was cuddle into Hyunjin and fall asleep right now.

“Thank you so much, we’ll be waiting outside, alright?”

“Yes. Bye.”

The familiar click of the line followed, but Heejin found herself staring at the wall in front of her for a bit longer than necessary before putting away the phone.

At the same time, Hyunjin exited the break room again, locking the door behind her.

“And?”

The bartender turned, and her lips tugged up in a relieved smile.

“She’s being picked up”

Hyunjin nodded appreciatively, returning the smile.

“Good. Go on and tell her, I’ll start the dishwasher in the meantime.”, with a soft shove, Heejin was pushed into the booth’s direction as her girlfriend walked behind the counter.

After a few seconds, the black haired looked up to see her still standing there, just watching her gather the glasses.

“What?”

Heejin’s eyes sparkled as she thanked her and pecked her on the cheek.

“It’s nothing, just go”

Still, she didn’t miss the way Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed a pretty pink.

Slowly, Heejin made her way over to the table again, where Jungeun was sitting with her eyes closed. She did not open them even when the bartender started speaking.

“Hey. I called the number you gave me, she said she’ll be here soon”

“Okay, thank you--” , her words were interrupted by a small hiccup; “so much”

They both ignored it.

“We’ll just close up and then wait outside, yeah?”

The brunette nodded. With another worried glance in her direction, Heejin eventually turned on her heel to finally join Hyunjin.

In the span of just a few minutes, the two worked together to properly clean and tidy up the bar, as well as put any leftover chairs on the tables.

Usually they would have mopped the floor as well, but the black haired decided to do that before her next shift tomorrow. She couldn’t wait to get home.

***

About 10 minutes later, Hyunjin opened the door to the bar and stepped outside, greedily inhaling the fresh (and freezing) night air.

Even after picking Heejin up from work countless times, she still couldn’t get used to the stuffiness inside. She really had to ask her girlfriend about a trick or something.

Following her, Heejin and Jungeun went outside as well, the latter awkwardly holding onto the younger one’s arm so as to not topple over. 

The cold air hitting her wasn’t the best thing either, making her head spin even more as she desperately tried to keep her balance.

Carefully, Heejin guided her to the side of the bar, and almost immediately, Jungeun leaned against it, leaving the black haired to join her girlfriend’s side again in front of the door.

And just like that, awkward silence erupted between them.

Luckily, only a few minutes passed where they had to wait in the cold, the couple huddled together and occasionally throwing worried glances at Jungeun, who wasn’t even really feeling the cold, since her body was too warmed up from all the alcohol running through her veins.

And that in the middle of November.

With no traffic, not a single person in sight and without any sounds disrupting besides the wind, the three women quickly got lost in their own thoughts.

Hyunjin subtly side-eyed the brunette, brows creasing. Her brain was working furiously ever since that moment in the bar, but to no avail. She just couldn’t remember where she’d seen her before.

Despite her racing thoughts, the atmosphere this late at night in the outskirts of Seoul was quiet, peaceful even.

However, it was short lived when a single car turned the corner and proceeded to significantly reduce speed, focused on the people standing at the side of the road.

And even though she was slumped against the brick wall of the building, Jungeun’s body stiffened as the familiar sedan pulled up to the sidewalk, coming to a halt right next to the group of girls. 

She could feel the gazes of the couple behind her moving from the car to her and back, obviously confused by her reaction. It probably looked as if she was scared, terrified even. 

She was. A little. Even in her current state.

She hadn’t seen Jinsol since the latter had stormed out of her apartment, finalizing their breakup.

And even though her brain was clouded, she felt squirmy about seeing her like this again, in this condition. The fact that she had no one else to call was embarrassing enough for her.

Her eyes furiously avoided the car, fixed onto the building on the other side of the street. Only when the familiar muffled slam of the car door sounded through the empty street did Jungeun look towards it again, only for her eyes to widen dramatically.

She almost didn’t recognize her ex-girlfriend when she stepped out from behind the car.  
Honestly, if she hadn’t moved into the beam of the light post, she would have thought her to be any other college student in Seoul.

Once blonde hair was now dyed back to its original color, a pitch-dark black, contrasting her features even more than before. She had never seen Jinsol with black hair in their two year relationship, aside from pictures.

Jungeun sucked in a shaky breath, Jinsol’s presence already too much for her heart. It was wrenching and stuttering in her chest, constricting her throat and making it hard to breathe.

A wave of stomach churning guilt overcame her at how exhausted the other looked. Only dressed in a pair of old sweatpants and her college hoodie -- one Jungeun herself had used often to sleep in -- Jinsol looked like she rolled out of bed just to pick her up. And it hurt like hell.

Because in Jungeun’s eyes, she still looked absolutely gorgeous. The most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. But she wasn’t in any position to say that anymore.

What used to feel like a breath of fresh air was now like a rope tightening around Jungeun’s chest, burning and breaking the skin just to squeeze any remaining life out of her heart.

She felt as if she’d collapse if she didn’t look away soon, the alcohol only enhancing all the different feelings bubbling up inside her.

For a few moments, everything was silent. They all just stared at each other, waiting for someone to say something.

Jungeun’s mind was racing around possible ways to greet the other.

_What do you say to your ex-girlfriend who you’re anything but on good terms with? What do you say to someone whose heart you broke?_

_“Hey Jinsol” or maybe “Jinsol unnie”?_

_“Good evening, I’m sorry we have to see each other like this again.”?_

_“Hello, I still love you and I’m so sorry for everything that happened, please take me back”_

_...Or maybe just a simple “Hi”?_

However, right when Jungeun thought she had found the right words to properly greet the other without it getting immensely awkward, her plan was crushed by the girlfriend of the bartender, who suddenly spoke up.

“Wait…”, the basketball player furrowed her brows in question; “Jinsol unnie? Is that you?

Three heads whipped around towards the tall girl stepping out from the shadows of the doorframe, her eyebrows raised just by a bit to express skepticism. Now she knew why Jungeun seemed so familiar to her.

She had seen her pick up Jinsol from practice. Months ago.

_Wait._

Hyunjin stopped short and side-eyed the drunken mess a few feet away from her.

_This was Jinsol’s girlfriend? The girl who regularly got wasted at Heejin’s job?_

“Hyunjin?”, Jinsol answered, cocking her head in confusion -- and a bit in shock.

She looked just as perplexed to meet her at this place, at this time.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m picking my girlfriend up from work, obviously. What are _you_ doing?”, Hyunjin motioned towards Heejin, who bowed shyly in greeting.

Jinsol returned it, though a bit half-hearted.

Her eyes lingered on their entwined hands for just a moment too long.

“I’m picking my--”, the words got stuck in her throat.

The now black haired closed her eyes for a moment at her mistake. Jungeun saw her jaw clench. (And felt her heart do the same.)

“I’m picking _her_ up”

Hyunjin decided to ignore her slip of words, worry etched onto her face. In fact, she decided to not take notice of the issue at hand at all. She had something entirely else on her mind. 

“Unnie… When are you coming back to practice?”

Her seemingly innocent question got an immediate reaction. Jinsol’s eyes widened a bit, like the younger one had said something extremely private. She took a step back, unconsciously crossing her arms in front of her chest, clearly defensive of the topic.

Heejin squeezed her hand in warning, but Hyunjin just shook her head ever so slightly. She wanted the truth. It had been gnawing on her for a while now.

Jinsol meanwhile started chewing on her lip, trying to calm her nerves. Finally, she found the courage to speak up again.

“Hyunjin, this is not the time to--”

“It is. I’ve been trying to reach you for days.”

As subtle as possible, Jinsol’s gaze wandered from Hyunjin to Jungeun, anxious about her reaction. But the brunette averted her eyes, lips pressed tightly together.

_Great._

_Just… Great._

“We’re all worried about you. You basically disappeared for four weeks, unnie. You’re not answering any calls or messages and Sooyoung unnie just says we should leave you be”

Jinsol audibly exhaled through her nose, avoiding eye contact and instead watching her feet shuffle on the pavement. “Look, let’s talk about this another time okay?”

“But when? You’re totally off the radar, how would I know--”

“How about tomorrow?”, Jinsol suddenly said, albeit a bit rushed. She just wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible, since being confronted with the whole issue was something she really did not need.

Especially at this time of the night. With Jungeun right in front of her.

Leave it to Hyunjin to make an awkward situation even worse with her bluntness.  
But she couldn’t blame her, really. As captain it was her duty to check in on her teammates, after all.

“Does that mean you’re coming back?”, she asked, hopeful.

“Yeah. I’m gonna explain it to you then, alright?”, Jinsol shot her a look, checking if she was satisfied with that response. She was.

“6pm at the gym hall, right?”

The younger girl nodded.

“Okay… I’ll be there. Now, if you would excuse me--”, her gaze met Jungeun’s for a second, who had been silently watching the rest of the encounter, arms hanging down her side defeatedly. They both looked away immediately.

“...I have someone to bring home.”

***

After a short exchange of goodbyes with Heejin and Hyunjin, who then walked towards the bar’s parking lot together, Jinsol and Jungeun were left alone on the sidewalk, still avoiding eye contact.

The black haired then stepped forward, having noticed the way her ex was leaning against the wall and concluding that she definitely wouldn’t be able to get to the car without support, and held out her arm.

“Let’s go”, she said after a few seconds of Jungeun looking at her questioningly. Her tone wasn’t impatient, but it wasn’t especially nice either. It sounded hollow, without any strength behind it.

And Jungeun couldn’t even be mad about it.

So, she slowly leaned her body forward, hesitating only for a second before linking arms with Jinsol. A shudder made its way down her back immediately, the touch so familiar but yet so foreign.

Turns out her legs were more wobbly than she expected and leaning all the way forward wasn’t exactly the smartest thing to do, she noticed. But before anything could happen, Jinsol’s arm all of a sudden wrapped around her waist and pulled her close.

They both inhaled sharply, painfully aware of the proximity and how natural their bodies moved and fit into each other.

A pause. Jinsol looked to the sky for a second, pleading for someone, anyone to give her the strength to make it through this night without going absolutely insane.

“Ready?”

Jungeun only nodded, face hidden in the collar of her coat. She believed that if she looked up right now, she wouldn’t be able to hold back from wrapping herself completely around her.

Carefully, they stepped towards the car, Jinsol opening the door and motioning for her to get in, which she did (with her help of course). Still, she only let go of her arm when she was seated comfortably, extremely unsure about her current ability to balance her body.

Without another word, Jinsol suddenly leaned down and forward, her face missing Jungeun’s by mere inches. The brunette was about to flinch when she heard the soft click of the seatbelt being fastened.

Jinsol had simply buckled her up.

She didn’t know what she had expected, either.

They were so close to each other, Jungeun could smell Jinsol, the unique scent she was used to having around her for years by now.

Tears threatened to cloud her vision at the sudden memories flooding her brain, which was already overwhelmed from the alcohol, and she had to physically stop herself from grabbing the black haired by the collar and just burying her face in her hoodie.

“You alright?”, Jinsol asked suddenly, her voice right next to Jungeun’s ear, tickling it.

She nodded.

_Liar._

Wordlessly, Jinsol removed herself from her and walked around the car towards the driver’s side.

_Welp. No going back._

Jungeun flinched at the sound of the car door closing. It was too loud for her head, which was already beginning to pound from today’s antics. Jinsol stopped to look at her, but said nothing.

For a few seconds, neither of them moved.

“You reek.”, the black haired broke the silence.

In her mind, Jinsol drop kicked herself for that line. _Is that how you speak to her now?_

“M’sorry.”, the brunette squeaked, shame flooding her veins. Her legs were jumping up and down.

“How much did you drink?”

It was a simple question, but Jungeun found herself unable to answer it. Instead, she stayed silent. Something Jinsol took note of, but did not mention.

She only sighed, and looked out of the driver’s side window.

“Close the door, please?”

“Oh… right”

Jungeun gripped the handle and pulled, already dizzy from all the movement. She leaned back with a pained sigh, closing her eyes to stop her world from spinning.

The only sound in the car were Jinsol’s fingers tapping on the wheel, in an impatient, but also anxious way.

“Do you need a moment or can I start driving?”

Even now, Jinsol was considerate as ever. It felt like a punch to her stomach.

“Ju-Just a second… Please?”

“Of course”

Jinsol’s hands let go of the steering wheel again, and she placed them on her lap, playing with her fingers.

Some time passed with the brunette trying to steady her breathing, pinching her thigh to make her come back to reality. She was sitting in the car of her ex girlfriend, who did not hesitate to come pick her up even after all what Jungeun did to her.

In the middle of the night at that.

“Did I--”, Jungeun still had her eyes closed while speaking; “Did Heejin wake you?”

A scoff.

“Obviously.”

The brunette said nothing to that. She knew that Jinsol always slept with her phone on silent, which meant that she was either lying or had it not muted. Something about it being better for your unconscious self when there are no sounds at all at night.

Was it for her? Did she leave it on loud for her? Did Jinsol know about her frequent bar visits?

...

Or maybe it was just a coincidence. A mistake.

“You could have just stayed home, you know.”

Jinsol’s upper lip twitched.

“No.”

Not going into much more detail, the black haired finally started the car, and proceeded to pull out onto the road.

Normally, it would be a rather long ride. Jungeun lived on the other side of the city after all. But to their luck it was 2:30am, nothing near the usual traffic times this city offered. They would take 15 minutes, at most.

Jinsol nodded, as if to reassure herself, and stopped at the first red light they encountered.

Both looked out of their respective windows, lost in their own thoughts.

And now, with the silence surrounding them, the conversation Jungeun listened to earlier began properly manifesting in her mind.

And promptly, her mood dropped. (If that was even possible with the all time low she was going through).

Something about Jinsol skipping practice bothered her. She couldn’t quite tell what, but she felt like she needed to say something.

Was she really doing this because of the breakup? Didn’t Jiwoo tell her Jinsol was coping exceptionally well?

For some reason, Jungeun began to feel hot. She turned her head and looked at her ex, brows pushed together. And her mouth acted faster than her brain, as always.

“Jinsol.”

“Yes?”

“Why did you skip practice?”

The black haired rolled her eyes, having expected the question sooner or later. 

“I didn’t feel like playing”, she tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but of course it was obvious that she was lying. They knew each other and their little quirks and habits well enough.

Jungeun’s eyebrows involuntarily rose but Jinsol said nothing.

Slowly, she could feel her blood beginning to boil at the blatant lie.

She couldn’t hold back anymore, the anger about this whole situation and everyone involved got the best of her, and she needed answers. Now.

It didn’t help that she was way too intoxicated to even express her feelings the right way. Her brain was like a huge pile of thoughts and opinions wildly thrown together, leaving no room for control.

For weeks she had been locked inside her tiny little bubble, absolutely sure that she was the only one struggling with the breakup. And now that she heard about Jinsol skipping practice, cutting people off and staying home all the time it… angered her?

The thing pushing her forward was the thought that she at least granted Jinsol happiness by giving her the freedom she wanted, by not fighting for it and instead letting it all go, in hopes it would make a change.

“I don’t believe you. And I can’t stand that you’re lying to me like this.”

Jinsol chuckled incredulously at her ex’s sudden audacity to talk to her like that. Especially while she was in this state.

This only prompted the brunette to go on. 

“Why won’t you just tell me the truth?”, Jungeun’s voice rose to almost an octave higher at the end of her sentence, her body shaking from anger to the point where you could almost feel the whole passenger seat moving with her.

Jinsol did nothing but click her tongue, eyes still glued onto the road like it would hold her together for once.

Jungeun, however, was far from done.

“I just don’t understand. Jinsol, basketball’s your passion—”, she began, but was harshly interrupted.

“Because you would know that, right?!”, the black haired suddenly bit back, teeth clenched together; “When was the last time you even came to one of my games?”

Jungeun didn’t answer, words stuck in her throat. She suddenly felt like throwing up. Another harsh jab at her past behavior as a girlfriend.

Jinsol just continued talking, effectively taking the wind out of Jungeun’s sails.

“Doesn’t matter anyway! It’s not your business whether I leave the house or not. Can’t I stay home for once?!”

“Yes, but--”

The black haired released a hard sigh, nostrils flaring dangerously. But Jungeun was drunk, and she was going to get to the bottom of this. Also, it wasn’t like she was afraid of her or her reactions, anyways.

_Damn her stubbornness._

“She said you’ve been missing practice for a month, that’s not simply “staying at home for once”, you know?”, she argued; “You train, what, 3 times a week? Do you know much that is? Did you even go to classes or did you skip them too?”

The fact that Jungeun had not attended a single lecture since their breakup was irrelevant at the moment.

She somehow felt directly responsible for Jinsol’s business and the fact that she was suffering made her mad. Mad at herself but not able to express it properly.

Jungeun took a deep breath and was about to open her mouth, when Jinsol cut her off yet again. But this time it sounded hollow, and cold.

“You know what? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not going to fight you while you’re drunk off your ass”

Jungeun’s lips pressed together, her eyebrows rising once again. The black haired was gripping the wheel so tight, her knuckles were turning white.

It was only then that she noticed how much weight the older one had lost over the span of one month.

Jinsol had always been lean and kind of lanky, but _holy shit when did this happen?!_

She was so busy focusing on herself that she hadn’t even properly looked at Jinsol, except for her hair, since the change was so much more obvious.

Sure, Jinsol’s baggy clothes were hiding most parts of her body, but Jungeun couldn’t help but stare at her features. Defined cheekbones were slightly protruding under unusually pale skin and her jawline was the sharpest Jungeun had ever seen it.

For a second, she wondered what it would be to touch the edge. Maybe she’d cut herself on it. They used to joke about that, but now it didn’t seem that absurd anymore.

And just like that, she didn’t feel like arguing anymore. An aching weight of dread settled deep inside her abdomen, dragging her down into the hole she had dug herself.

The adrenaline keeping her awake and sober to a certain degree left her at a rapid pace, leaving her exhausted and much less clear-headed.

Jungeun sucked in a sharp breath, the alcohol making her emotions spill out beyond control.

_Was it her fault? Was she the one that made her like this?_

Her anger was smoothly replaced with downright remorse.

Tears welled up in her eyes as her gaze wandered from Jinsol’s face to the obvious veins on her neck, then sprung to thin hands steering the wheel to the left as she took a turn.

“Would you please stop staring at me like that?”, the black haired suddenly mumbled, eyes still fixed on the road. She sounded just as defeated.

They were both exhausted.

Jungeun jumped at being confronted. Her ears turned crimson red, though covered by hair.

She quickly looked away, trying to hide the emotion on her face, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“What?”, Jungeun’s head snapped back, but the black haired’s eyes were fixed on the road.

“Don’t apologize”

“No, I need to. I’m sorry. I went too far. I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that”

She sighed.

“It’s okay, really. I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up about you asking either.”

Jungeun wanted to answer. She wanted to say something, anything. But she couldn’t. And slowly the familiar tension between the two succumbed to silence, occasionally broken by the low rumble of the engine or the turn signal.

The next traffic lights and districts they passed through were spent with her eyes closed, finally losing herself to the alcohol in her system. It was late, it had been a long day and she was absolutely spent.

For a few minutes, she thought she’d pass out right here and now, to the steady vibrations of the car and Jinsol’s quiet breathing next to her.

Soon enough however, in a simple eyeblink, the brunette noticed Jinsol’s hand lying on the middle console, the frontside pointing upwards.

Just like every time they drove in the same car and Jinsol had silently put her hand there for Jungeun to hold.

It was a subconscious thing to do, and Jungeun knew that Jinsol did not really want her to hold her hand, especially with everything going on between them.

But in this moment, it had so much more meaning than just the struggle of breaking an old habit, something you had been used to doing for years.

The brunette felt her vision blur with tears yet again, memories of happier times flooding her mind and mocking her for letting all of it go.

It was heart wrenching and constricting her in all the worst ways, and she felt crushed under all the weight of her past decisions leading to this situation. A situation that could have just been avoided if she had been a better girlfriend.

If she had listened to Jinsol more.

If she had respected her decisions more.

If she had been more understanding.

Jungeun took a shaky breath and closed her eyes for a second.

_She really was a fucking dumbass._

And as if she couldn’t make it any worse, the rational thinking part of her brain had been effectively turned off long ago, just like the filter that separated her thoughts from finding their way out of her mouth.

“C-can I hold your hand?”, she blurted out, immediate regret kicking in as soon as the words left her mouth, with the way Jinsol’s whole body seemed to stiffen even more.

A few seconds passed.

“Are you serious?”

It didn’t sound particularly mean, just… surprised. Jinsol was caught off guard, eyes shifting wildly from the road to Jungeun once in a while.

“Yes.”

The black haired didn’t answer.

Jungeun took her silence as judgement, and proceeded to panic at her own dumbness; “I’m so sorry, t’was a stupid thing to say. Of course you wouldn’t want to--”

“You can.”

An already way too slack jaw dropped, and the brunette froze for a second, still processing what she just heard.

“...huh?”

“Yes, you can hold my hand.”

Jungeun watched her with widened eyes, but it seemed like Jinsol was genuine with her words. Her gaze dropped to the hand still lying there, fingers twitching every now and then.

Slowly but surely, the brunette lifted her arm, shaking as she reached for it.

It only took the slightest touch for them to fall back into natural movements with each other. 

She found her heart stuttering in her chest again as their fingers intertwined as if on their own, sharing their respective body warmth with each other.

Jungeun felt safe, Jinsol’s touch bringing her a type of security no other could. And it was at that moment that she once again realized what she had lost.

A single tear finally slipped from her left eye, dramatically rolling down her cheek for Jinsol to watch from the side. Her sleeve came up to wipe at it, before the black haired could even think about doing something herself.

Another gulp. The older girl continued driving with one hand on the wheel.

Every now and then, she looked over to check on her ex, but no other tears followed. Instead, her messy mane of hair started to block half of her face as she sank even more into the seat.

In a matter of minutes, Jinsol realized that Jungeun was falling asleep. From the hand in hers softening and becoming heavier with the second, to her head slowly lolling from side to side with every turn.

In return, the black haired silently focused on the road again. However, she diligently avoided every pothole and slowed down for every obstacle that couldn’t be avoided. Just like she always did when the younger napped in the passenger seat.

***

It was only when they finally arrived at Jungeun’s apartment complex that a hint of panic spread in Jinsol’s insides.

The black haired had no idea how to behave, so she only poked her shoulder and repeated a quiet “Wake up” until Jungeun’s eyes snapped open.

With a gasp, she shot up from her position, ripping her hand from Jinsol’s and almost hitting her head on the window in the process.

Completely out of breath, she stammered, “Oh God-- uh-- Are we there already?”

Jinsol had meanwhile started playing awkwardly with her own fingers again, “Um, yeah.”

“O-Okay…”

For a long moment, neither of them moved. Just staring out of the window, or into their respective laps, silence spread through the car’s interior once again, Jinsol having turned off the engine long ago.

And at long last, it was too much for Jungeun. The pressure was too heavy, the uncertainty about what to do, what to say. In a matter of a split second, she chose the flight over the fight reaction.

Breathlessly, she almost tripped over her own words as she said, “Anyways, thanks for pickin’ me up. M’sorry for wakin’ you, really.” And hurried to grab her things, obviously very disoriented and confused about her current situation, given her state.

Jinsol felt the wheels in her head turn as she watched, overwhelmed by the sudden motion and chaos going on after those few minutes of tranquility. She could tell that the brunette was doing everything to get out of this situation right now, which wasn’t a good sign.

This would not end well if she did not step in now. Jungeun was anything other than able to get upstairs alone, and Jinsol knew that. So she asked:

“Do you need me to…?”, the rest of the sentence died in her throat.

_What was she even supposed to say? Get you upstairs? Bring you to bed? Give you a goodnight kiss, even? Jesus Christ, Jinsol, THINK BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING._

But Jungeun beat her to it, not having noticed her struggling for words.

“No, no, ts’alright”

“Wait, are you sure?”

Jungeun nodded, very exaggerated.

With a big motion, she hastily opened the door and tried pulling herself up to her feet, the cold night air hitting her face yet again. All in a matter of maybe a few seconds. It was like an agonizing punch to her temple, making her lose her balance almost immediately.

And just like that, while stumbling forward, her foot caught the curb. And suddenly the floor seemed to come closer with every second passing.

Jinsol could only watch in horror as Jungeun proceeded to smack onto the sidewalk like a heavy sack of potatoes.

It didn’t even take her 3 seconds to jump out of the car, hurrying to the lifeless body of her ex.

“Oh my God, are you okay?!”

“Owwwwiee…”, the brunette groaned, still not moving a muscle. Her voice was muffled by the cold pavement she was lying on.

For a moment, Jinsol just stood there, staring down at her with worry etched onto her face.

_Of course she wasn’t able to make it. What the hell were you thinking letting her go alone?_

“Did you break something?”

“Dunnow…”

Now down in a squat, she scanned for any weird protruding bones, but couldn’t find any. At least on Jungeun’s backside.

She reached for Jungeun’s arm to turn her around, but the younger only moaned in agony. 

“Come on, let me help you”

“Nooo, just leave me.... I deserve it”

A dramatic sniff escaped her, and Jinsol couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“No, you don’t. Now, let’s get you upstairs.”

With some force, Jinsol managed to roll her onto her back at last, and sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of her ex’s knee.

Her jeans were totally ruined, ripped and dirty from the sidewalk and she could see a large red spot in one of the holes.

This would need to get cleaned as soon as possible.

“Can you get up?”

“Mmmm…”

Jungeun finally sat up and after a few seconds to stop the world spinning around her, took Jinsol’s hands to get pulled on her feet. They once again ended up pressed close together, and the black haired struggled to get what she was saying with her face buried in her shoulder.

“What was that?”

A very drunk giggle escaped Jungeun, and suddenly her ex was looking up at her with puppy eyes. A stark contrast to the girl who just bolted out of her car.

“Carry me, Jindollie”

The cold temperature and agonizing impact with the ground made the brunette reach the climax of her influence, it seemed.

A few seconds passed with Jinsol staring back at her, wide-eyed, before her eyebrows found their way back to their original position. 

She didn’t have a clue how to respond to that. Especially with Jungeun now whining like a child in her arms, a chorus of “please”’s reaching her ears every few seconds. It was almost comical, even if mood swings were common for Jungeun to have while intoxicated. But the sudden changes from ashamed to angry to sad to giggly were hard to keep up with, even for Jinsol.

_Did she hit her head?_

Unsure, Jinsol placed her hand on Jungeun’s lower back, trying to steady and take a good look at her. But it was pointless. The brunette was stumbling up and about, and if she wasn’t careful they’d both be on the ground next.

There was no way they’d manage to walk even a few steps like that.

A frustrated sigh found its way out of the black haired’s mouth, turning them around to face the passenger side of the sedan.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this”, Jinsol said to herself as she made sure Jungeun was leaning on her car (and pushing away the hands grabbing at her coat), before turning around and squatting in front of her.

It took a few seconds before an excited gasp reached her ears.

“Yaaay! Piggyback!”, Jungeun slurred, using the last of her strength in her healthy leg to jump up onto the waiting body in front of her.

Which wasn’t really a jump, to be honest. Her feet did not even leave the ground as she draped herself over her ex-girlfriend’s back, leaving her to firmly grab the underside of Jungeun’s knees to properly lift her up.

Afterwards, she stopped to pick up Jungeun’s bag on the floor, pushing it into one of the hands that were mindlessly wandering up and down her shoulders and collarbones to find something to hold onto.

To her luck, the way was not too long, since the apartment was only on the second floor.

She made sure her car was locked before approaching the front door, careful not to slip herself.

“Keys, please”

Jungeun proceeded to rummage around in her bag right before her eyes, the strap of it repeatedly hitting Jinsol in the face in the process. Finally, a keyring dangled from Jungeun’s fingers, which she promptly grabbed.

She ignored the couple charm they got together still hanging from it with a long blink and opened the door after some struggling.

With slow steps, the black haired climbed the stairs with Jungeun on her back, careful not to lose her balance. Meanwhile, warm breath was hitting the side of her face where Jungeun’s head lay, making goosebumps spread all over her body.

She desperately tried not to get affected by it. But when Jungeun let out a sigh and proceeded to nuzzle her neck, nose hitting sensitive skin and lips dangerously close to her veins, Jinsol felt herself tense up so much she had to stop and take a break for a few seconds.

The cause of her current state did not even seem to notice, only humming contentedly at the familiar nook she could push her face in and not move an inch.  
In fact, Jinsol felt like she was carrying a dead body, and if she did not know Jungeun to be alive and breathing, she would have been seriously worried by now.

So, she continued moving.

Within a few moments, they arrived in front of Jungeun’s apartment door, and Jinsol adjusted her on her back before typing in the code. A familiar jingle and green light greeted her and neither the fact that Jungeun had not changed her code -- which was their anniversary by the way -- nor that Jinsol just entered it without any hesitation, were acknowledged.

Trying not to drop her, Jinsol kicked the door closed and immediately continued walking towards the bathroom. Her eyes however could not help but look around the mess that was her ex’s apartment, and she had to hold in a gasp.

Truth was, Jungeun was a clean person. She hated chaos and nothing held her back from tidying up.

But Jinsol had never seen her apartment in this state. Various coats and shoes lay on the floor, seemingly kicked off and never picked up again. Through the open bedroom door Jinsol could see laundry strewn across almost every surface, with one or another dirty dish mixing in here and there.

She had kind of expected Jungeun to not cope too well, especially after what she overheard Jiwoo tell Sooyoung about her state, but this was just downright terrible.

It looked almost as bad as her own apartment. And that had to say something.

***

Luckily, the bathroom seemed the cleanest out of every room in Jungeun’s apartment, so there was no need for the black haired to put something out of the way before placing Jungeun on the closed toilet lid.

She turned to see that the younger had her eyes closed, trying to get used to the bright light.

Jinsol used the few seconds of silence to inspect Jungeun’s knee, and decided that she could not leave it like that.

With a nod to herself, she straightened up from her position on the ground to go grab the med kit from the sink cabinet.

Her brows twitched at seeing some of her own stuff still lying around, including her toothbrush still next to Jungeun’s in a cup. It was like coming home, in a way. In a very painful way.

In the meantime, Jungeun shimmied out of her coat, throwing it onto the floor without a care in the world. She sighed wistfully, prompting Jinsol to side-eye her.

As she tried to let her head fall back into her neck, it unceremoniously hit the wall behind her with a dull thud, causing her to whine out in pain.

Jinsol, who had watched her all the while, couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as she moved back to squat in front of the toilet. 

“Careful”, she said, trying not to laugh at the pout on Jungeun’s face. 

Jungeun whined at her, “Don’t laugh at me!”

She clicked her tongue playfully.

“I would never”

The words came out softer than intended, and for a short moment, the two (ex)lovers just looked at each other. They were falling back into old habits, the teasing and playfulness not doing anything good for their already cracked hearts.

Gaze dropping, Jinsol set down the med kit beside her. Jungeun let her head fall back again (slowly, this time).

For a few seconds, the only sound heard in the tiny room was the rustling of various supplies being thrown around. The black haired looked at the bruised knee before her, brows pushed together.

“Okay, I need you to take off your pants so I can have a proper look at your knee, alright?”

At Jungeun’s nod, she got up again, waiting for them to be removed. But what came next caught her off guard.

A surprised gasp couldn’t help but escape Jinsol when Jungeun all of a sudden went for her shirt instead and tried pulling it over her head, immediately turning around to stare at the wall instead.

She did not know why her reaction was that extreme, but she couldn’t explain most of the things that had happened tonight anyway.

It was weird because over the course of the last 2 years, she had seen Jungeun take off her clothes plenty of times.

Hell, she could even map out her naked body if she wanted to, but something made her try to desperately think of something else than all the times they shared those intimate moments.

Something inside of her told her it was not appropriate to look anymore.

“Umm, unnie…?”, Jungeun’s voice was muffled by the piece of clothing wrapped around her head, not showing any signs of being able to take it off alone.

“Can you help me… please?”

Wordlessly, Jinsol slowly turned back around.

Opposed to her reaction just now, she simply swallowed any hard feelings about this situation. Jungeun needed her help and her acting like this wasn’t making the situation any better.

Still, she tried to keep her eyes up as much as possible while she grabbed the hem of Jungeun’s shirt. The reason why she took it off in the first place remained a mystery to Jinsol, but at least she got a look at Jungeun’s torso to assure there were no other injuries they had overseen.

The brunette wiggled out of her jeans until they were hanging just above her knees, and then stopped to look at Jinsol expectantly.

She sighed and got to move.

Slowly and with shaking hands, the blackhaired pulled the pants off of her ex-girlfriends legs, trying to seem nonchalant but failing all the way.

Good thing Jungeun was way too drunk to properly register anything anymore.

The brunette was now clad only in her underwear, and surprisingly, neither of them found it as awkward as they had expected. Jinsol’s face was still a bright red, but her inner voice continued to talk her down until she was able to act normal again.

After all, they were by no means strangers.

While the older grabbed the calf before her with one hand, and a bottle of disinfectant spray with the other, her patient’s whines returned above her.

“I wanna sleeeeep, Soulie, hurryyy”

Jinsol sprayed the spot. A yelp sounded through the bathroom.

“We need to sterilize the wound, Jungeun”, Jinsol deadpanned, not putting up with her acting out like this.

But the younger one had something on her mind as well. And her mouth acted accordingly.

“Stop that. It sounds weird”, she scolded, frowning.

“What?”

“You never call me that”

It was true. Jinsol had always referred to her as “Jungie” or any other pet name she had. Only when they were fighting would she call her by her real name.

Instead of responding, she reached to the ground to get a cotton pad. It seemed useless to hold that conversation now, especially when Jungeun seemed more and more tired of talking anyway.

With a few dabs, Jinsol cleaned the wound, trying to ignore the tiny hisses of pain the brunette let out.

Luckily, it wasn’t that big of a wound, nothing that a simple bandage wouldn’t fix. So she turned to the first aid kit to rummage around in it yet again.

After finding a fitting band-aid, Jinsol ripped the cover off of it, and despite all the voices in her head screaming no, her free hand slowly came to rest on her ex’s healthy knee.

“Why are you doing this?”, Jungeun suddenly asked.

The hand recoiled, as if burned.

_Now you fucked up._

Jinsol’s voice shook as she asked, “What do you mean?”

The brunette roughly gestured around, “All of it”

A frown made its way on Jinsol’s face at the defeated tone her ex was using.

“Because I care about you”

“You really shouldn’t”

Jinsol’s breath hitched. _Did she really think that way?_

“...Don’t say that”, her eyes were serious.

Without another word, the older girl finally applied the bandaid to the wound, and turned to throw the remaining trash away.

The younger girl leaned back again.

“Almost done”, she said, worried eyes settled on the limp body before her.

“Good… M’tired”, Jungeun breathed, utterly exhausted.

“I know, hon--”

Jinsol almost slapped herself. To her utmost relief, Jungeun did not notice her slip up, head resting against the bathroom wall behind her and eyes still closed.

Just to be sure, she bandaged the knee with a gauze, hurriedly so Jungeun couldn’t fall asleep completely.

Then, she stood up with a groan, her own legs hurting from kneeling on the floor for so long. But she sucked it up. 

With her gaze dropping onto the brunette again, she said, “Are you feeling alright? If you need to throw up now’s the chance”

Jungeun only shook her head to the second statement and mumbled a quiet “bed”

“Okay. Can you walk to the bed or should I carry you again?”

She didn’t get an answer. Instead, the brunette only held up her arms like a toddler waiting to be picked up, eyes already closed and brows furrowed.

Panic threatened to bubble up inside of Jinsol at the realization that there was no way she’d be able to piggyback her now, but as soon as it came it vanished again.

_For God’s sake, get ahold of yourself. You’re not sixteen anymore. She was your girlfriend for YEARS._

Jinsol proceeded to squat down low enough for Jungeun to find her shoulders, the rest was natural. The brunette wrapped her arms around her neck and only after hesitating for a second, lean hands grabbed the underside of Jungeun’s naked thighs.

“I’m going to lift you up now, okay?”

A hum.

Honestly, Jinsol didn’t know where she got the strength to carry a grown woman not once but twice in one night from, especially after the weeks she went through. But somehow she managed it.

Step after step, they approached the bed, Jungeun’s face once again pressed into her nape, warm breath hitting her neck. Jinsol shuddered as she adjusted her in her arms, and blushed when legs crossed behind her waist.

The fact that Jungeun was only clad in her underwear did not make it any easier for her.

As she maneuvered through the mess that was Jungeun’s apartment, her eyes couldn’t help but catch some of the things strewn across the floor, as well as on the furniture.

With a sharp inhale she noticed that none of her things actually moved from their original place, as if someone had not dared to touch them. Her clothes were still lying on the chair she would usually store them on, the rest neatly tucked into Jungeun’s wardrobe.

On nearly all surfaces, something related to their relationship was placed. Pictureframes, past presents, even a haphazardly knitted hat Jinsol had made for Jungeun caught her eye from the desk.

Speaking of… She might still have some of her equipment lying around here, back from days when they would spend evenings together with Jungeun studying and Jinsol knitting on the bed.

As they approached said bed, Jinsol had to look twice to realize what she was seeing.

Right next to the giant Moomin plushie she had gifted her for Valentine’s Day, a pillow lay.

But not just any pillow. It’s “case” was a navy blue hoodie, sporting the signature yellow logo of Jinsol’s basketball team. It seemed as if it was used as a substitute for something, or someone else.

In her arms, Jungeun radiated so much calmness that it was difficult for Jinsol to imagine her ex needing an old sweatshirt of hers to comfort and soothe herself into sleep.

(The reason for Jungeun’s tranquility right now being her presence was not something Jinsol considered, for whatever reason)

Carefully, she bent down to place her ex on the mattress. And at the feeling of the soft duvet beneath her, Jungeun immediately went limp, falling into the heap of pillows.

A relieved sigh escaped both of them.

But the sight of goosebumps spreading over Jungeun’s skin did not go unnoticed, and even though Jinsol could have just left her there like that, something hindered her.

Without another word, she stepped away from the bed for a second to open a drawer of Jungeun’s dresser. It did not even take 2 seconds for her hand to grab the pyjama she knew to be Jungeun’s favorite. A teal one with pineapples on it.

Several pictures of them both sat atop the dresser, grinning back at Jinsol with such vigor that it almost felt like they were mocking her.

She was everywhere. Their love was everywhere. In every nook, every corner, not only of the room, but themselves, their beings. Their minds. And she couldn’t do anything about it.

_But did she want to, anyway?_

Her ex-girlfriend was still not moving when Jinsol approached her again, even when she cleared her throat.

“Sit up, please.”

“Don’t wanna”

“Come on, you’re gonna catch a cold”

With another moan, Jungeun let herself be pulled up into a seating position, legs dangling off the mattress.

Her eyes were only partially open as she watched the black haired squat down to her eye-level again, holding up the pyjama’s top for Jungeun to get into.

After a few seconds, the top hung loosely from her wide shoulders, and Jinsol decided to just go for it and button it up for her. Jungeun was barely even able to walk, nor talk, so there was no real other option either.

Still, both women couldn’t hide the heat their bodies touching each other left on their skin, even though it was just the tips of Jinsol’s fingers.

It was magnetic, and Jungeun felt the incredible urge to just take them into their own. To stroke them, kiss them, bury her face in them. But it wasn’t long until they were gone again.

As soon as she was done, she finally looked up into her eyes fully. And Jinsol, not knowing how to cope with the sudden eye contact, did only what her arms instinctively told her to do.

So... She pushed Jungeun over.

With a yelp, the brunette bounced back onto the mattress, completely taken aback at what just happened.

“Legs up.”, Jinsol said, and her voice was shaking, not entirely sure if what she just did could be deemed appropriate.

The next moments were spent in silence as the black haired dressed her very drunk ex-girlfriend, carefully pulling up the hem of the pants until it went over her butt.

When she finished, Jungeun was already on her way to dreamland.

At the sight of her lying there in her comfiest pyjamas, hair spread out on the pillow, Jinsol’s heart hurt at the happier memories threatening to flood her consciousness. She instantly returned to her standing position and averted her gaze.

Good thing Jungeun was too drunk to register anything anymore, so she was spared of the troubled look on the black haired’s face.

The absence of Jinsol’s body didn’t go unnoticed, however, brown eyes snapping open to watch her stand there, stiffly.

“Where are you going?”, Jungeun inquired, puppy eyes and all.

“...I’m leaving?”

Her bottom lip pushed out, brows furrowed, “Noooo… Stay. Don’t go.”

Jinsol avoided her eyes, “I can’t, Jungeun. Do you need anything else?”

She mumbled something dangerously close to a “You”. Jinsol sucked in her lips and shook her head.

“I need to go now.”

“Unnie!”

“...What is it?”

Jungeun impatiently patted the space next to her, “Come here, please?”

Jinsol didn’t want to. Really. But Jungeun always had her ways of persuading her, either with a hard stare or a pout, sometimes both.

She sat down on the bedside, careful not to take away much space as she looked down at her ex.

Just as she was about to ask what Jungeun wanted, said girl’s arm snaked forward to Jinsol’s hand lying on the mattress, and interlocked their fingers with each other.

“Hold me. Please.”, it was uttered with such desperation that it tugged the strings of her heart. But Jungeun was drunk, extraordinarily so, and it was clear as day that it would only do more harm than good to their already strained relationship.

“I can’t.”, the black haired said; “Go to sleep, Jungie.”

The grip on her hand tightened, and Jungeun looked up at her with glazed over eyes. She was using the very last of her strength to hold onto Jinsol, fully drained by the night she went through and seconds away from slumber.

Still, she opened her mouth one last time. And what came out made Jinsol breath hitch.

“I still love you, you know?”

Those were the words that finally pushed Jinsol’s heart out of the pocket in her chest, making it plummet all the way down her body to eventually slide out of the bottom of her pants and break into a million pieces at her feet.

Desperately avoiding her gaze, brown eyes fixed onto her other hand grabbing the material of her sweats. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold back if she were to look up.

Then she slowly, and carefully let go of the brunette’s hand with a pained expression. She took a deep breath.

Her voice was breathy and broken as she whispered, “Goodnight, Jungeun”

Too tired to notice the rejection, Jungeun’s eyelashes fluttered at the loss of contact, brows scrunching together. But the alcohol had taken a toll on her, leaving her no other option but to finally fall asleep.

Her last words hovered in the air, settling down heavily on Jinsol’s shoulders.

She had to leave, right now.

The mattress squeaked as she got up to her feet and walked back over to the door. Her whole body was shaking miserably.

Jungeun, however, did not notice her stand in the doorway for another five minutes, just to look at all the things scattered around while simultaneously listening to her snoring.

She did not notice Jinsol gulping down a whole bottle of water in the kitchen, as well as pouring a glass for Jungeun and putting it on the nightstand with a box of painkillers.

She did not hear the front door of her apartment close either, nothing of Jinsol’s stuff taken as the girl in question slowly descended the stairs to the parking lot.

...

And most important of all, Jungeun did not notice Jinsol break down in tears as soon as she closed the car door behind her, head resting on the steering wheel as she sobbed to herself and would continue to do so for another hour.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! this was my first attempt at angst so I hope you liked it
> 
> also pls don't kill me for posting this on valentines day I just like watching people suffer
> 
> twitter/cc: liloforolli


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